just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
