Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
