I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
