these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize