Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
