Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
