i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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