You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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