strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
