Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
