Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
