haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
