we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
