A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
