im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
