i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
