I'm drive I can fine osifer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize