I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
