Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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