you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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