her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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