He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
