Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
