i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
