I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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