I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
