ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
