I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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