this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
