I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize