I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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