Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could teleport
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
