you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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