we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
