Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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