I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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