i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
