i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
