You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
