I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You may now shotgun with the bride
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
