It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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