Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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