I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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