My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
