I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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