My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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