I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize