dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
