There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the day after is always just damage control
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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