Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
