your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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