I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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