i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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