Just cropdusted the office
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
