i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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