Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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