I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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