i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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