sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
