I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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