The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
