Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
