my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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