i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
