Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
