You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
