Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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