At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
