Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
