Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize