Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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