he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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