It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
