Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize